First, at 8 weeks we paid to have what's called here a "reassurance scan". They do an early ultrasound for you, so you can relax a bit at the beginning of your first trimester. I nearly cried when I saw that little heartbeat. It was my baby! A real baby!
Since that appointment I've begun to dream about my life in June, when Baby Shippy is due to arrive. I'll get to be a mommy to a precious little soul, and there is nothing I want more!
Getting to that moment, however, is seeming to take an eternity. I am so so grateful to be pregnant, and everyday I think that I am the luckiest person in the world. And then I get nauseous and weepy and exhausted all at the same moment - and I still feel incredibly lucky.
But just to remember these past few weeks, I wanted to write down more of my feelings/thoughts. I am trying to cherish every moment, even the difficult ones!
So last week the only thing I could think about was my scan. I was counting down every moment to get there and I was desperate to see Baby Shippy. They told me to have a full bladder so it was easier to use the ultrasound, so I drank and drank and drank. My husband came and picked me up at work so we would be there on time, and I waddled to the office. They let me in early because I looked so uncomfortable. The woman who started the ultrasound said my bladder was TOO full, and she let me run off to the loo to empty about half of it. After I returned, much relieved, she squirted the cold gel on me, wriggled around the wand, and there s/he was! Our little bean! With a strong heartbeat and a bit of movement, the US technician told us everything was looking good. I was measuring at 8 weeks, 1 day (I thought I was 7 weeks, 6 days, but we're not going to quibble over such a small difference). I could have stayed in that room and stared at my baby forever. It was concrete then, something finally real that I wasn't just making up. We paid up, got the pictures printed, then headed home. I ate an apple in the car to stave off the ever present queasiness, but it didn't work. The last 10 minutes of the car ride was a constant battle of trying to hold it all in until I got home. I made it, just barely, and the apple came right back up. Yuck, apples do not play nicely on their way out! I ended up with a very sore throat and then a cold that made me feel miserable on the Thursday and Friday after. The problem with being a teacher is there is no time for sick days, so you just carry on!
Last weekend was quite relaxing for us, and then I pushed through another week. The nausea comes and goes, but the worst part for me is food aversions. I don't seem to want to eat anything really (most especially healthy veggies!). I need cold food that doesn't smell, and popsicles are my friend. This isn't very useful at the moment being winter and all, but I'm coping. I also find if I don't pay attention to eating then it goes better, like I'm tricking my body into thinking I'm not REALLY eating so it's okay to ignore it.
More than anything I want to get into the second trimester so my fear of something happening to my baby goes away. Although perhaps I should just get used to this fear, because as a parent you are always worried about your child - right?
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