Introducing Eleanor Rose

Warning: This is my birth story - if you don't want to read about the exciting, painful, messy process of giving birth, then skip this one. It might have a few too many gory details for you!

Everyone always says that you'll know your in labor when it begins. Well mine started out more as a question mark than anything else. On Tuesday, July 5th at 3:30pm I was laying on the couch watching TV when I felt cramp-like tightenings in my abdomen. It wasn't anything dramatic, just noticeable. I know that many women have stronger Braxton-Hicks and false contractions near the end of their labor so I didn't want to get too excited yet. I decided to keep my plans and go to my yoga class in Edinburgh. I drove the half an hour into town, breathing through 3 tightenings in 30 minutes. They were distracting, but manageable. By the time I arrived in class, I was sweating, walking on my tip toes, and needing to stop and sway and breathe through each tightening about ever 5 minutes. I didn't do much in class, but it a wonderful way to begin the early stages of labor. I decided it wouldn't be safe for me to drive home so I had Paul take a cab out to meet me. 

As labor can take so long, we decided to go to Costco to pick up some last minute groceries. I used the cart to breathe through the tightenings and other than walking slowly, I wasn't being impeded much. I know that being upright and moving is good for labor so I wasn't worried about being out and about. 

We got home and I let my parents know I thought I was in early labor, but not to worry I knew it could take a very long time.

We started timing the contractions just to get a gauge on what was happening. They were coming every 3 and a half minutes and lasting about 45 seconds, so we called the midwife while I tried to scarf down some food. I knew once it got going it might be hard to really eat! The midwife told me to call back when my contractions were 3 minutes apart, lasting for a minute each and that pattern continued for 3 hours. I told her that I planned on a warm bath, my TENS machine and maybe a funny movie and to stay at home as long as possible. She agreed this was the best choice, and I went about my business. The bath was soothing as I began using my hypnobirthing CD and positive affirmations. I got out and Paul helped me with my TENS machine and I tried (and failed!) to work through the contractions laying down to rest. Instead I needed to be standing, rocking, squatting, and moving. I tried my birth ball (I hated it!) but preferred laying with my head on the bed and standing. I watched Pitch Perfect, zoning out every 3 minutes or so to breathe - count of 4 in, count of 4 out. Working with my body. Picturing opening, embracing and working through each one. I encouraged Paul to get some rest - who knew how long this would take? 

By 2:15 I had been having regular contractions every 3 minutes lasting for a minute (or sometimes more) so I tip-toed downstairs and called the midwife. Although I agreed that I could probably stay home longer, I was struggling to work through the contractions while sitting and we had a 15/20 minute drive to the hospital. If we waiting too long, we could end up in morning traffic and the sitting while contracting would have been very stressful. They agreed I should come in, so I woke Paul up and we packed up the car and headed out.

On the way to the hospital, we saw a fire by the side of the road! We decided to pull over and check it out, as it is near a very large, dry field. It was an electrical fire, and it was spreading, so Paul called the fire brigade, notified them about it, and then we continued on our way.

We arrived at the Edinburgh Royal Birth Centre about 3:15, and they took me to my birthing suite. It was a large, lovely room with a big pool and lots of other useful things such as bean bags and birth balls and mats and an ensuite bathroom. They gave me my first exam and I was already 5cm dilated, but my waters hadn't broken and the sac was bulging through my cervix. I was so pleased with myself, and asked to get in the bath. We put on my hypnobirthing tracks and I urged Paul to get more sleep so he could be awake and energetic for the end. I felt calm and floating through the contractions, as they got stronger, but further apart. I started to worry that the bath was slowing down my labor, and the midwife said my temperature and pulse were too high (because of the hot bath). I got out to labor standing up, using the same posture as before of leaning over the bed. They let me labor on my own and work through the contractions with my hypnobirthing for another 7 hours before the next check at 10:15. The contractions had gotten closer together again and increased in intensity. This check showed I was only dilated to 7cm and they suspected because the baby's head was not putting the needed pressure on my cervix to help it dilate. I agreed to having my waters broken which they did quickly and painlessly. 

They allowed me to labor for another 7 hours without disruption, only now I had a midwife and student midwife in the room near constantly monitoring me. I was still using breathing and hypnobirthing, but the pain was increasing and the contractions were much longer so I asked to try the gas and air. This helped take the edge of and reminded me to breathe, but also made me violently sick and I was throwing up after every contractions. The contractions then increased sharply in intensity and began doubling, one after another without rest. I pushed on, having moments of doubt and feeling like I needed to know how much longer. I needed an end-point, just like all of my races. I couldn't see the finish line so I didn't know if I could make it. I remember looking at Paul and saying, "I can't do this!" and the midwives and Paul saying, "You ARE doing it!" The sensations, the pain, was exponentially more than anything I had experienced but I still knew that each one brought me closer to meeting my baby. I tried to remind myself that they could not be stronger than me - this was MY body making the contractions, they WERE me, they weren't stronger than me. Several times I felt like I would explode with the pain, that there was no way I could make it through the end of that contractions. All you mamas out there know what I'm talking about!

About 5:00 they checked me again - I was still at 7cm with no progress. The midwife said that we needed to put me on a drip to move on labor and that I'd have to be transferred to the labor ward. I turned to Paul that moment and told him I needed an epidural - I had made it this far and I was so disappointed, but I knew the drip would make what was already nearly unbearable even more so. They whisked me into a wheelchair, gathered my things and brought me upstairs. An anesthesiologists came in to give me the epidural and asked me to stay completely still through the contractions. They monitored me and the baby for about 30 minutes, when a midwife came back to tell me that the baby was in distress and had an erratic heartbeat. After several consultations they decided that the baby would not cope with continued labor and that I would need an emergency c-section. Although it is not what I wanted, a safe, healthy baby was most important to me. We agreed, signed the papers, and I was told I'd have a baby within 30 minutes. They topped up my epidural with stronger meds for the surgery, took Paul to change into scrubs and whisked me away. 

I'm on a lot of drugs here, as we wait for the moment we become parents. 

I was rolled onto an operating table as the piles of people poured in for the surgery. They started draping me with a cloth when a surgeon poked her head around the cloth and said, "Hello Elizabeth, do you recognize me?" I said no, sorry, and then she introduced herself as one of my student's parents. I immediately realized who she was, and she asked if it was okay to operate on me. I thought it was nice to have someone who personally cared about my progress to be in charge of my surgery. Before they started everyone in the room checked in and said who they are and why they were there. They stated the reason for the surgery, and then began. Paul was next to me, but facing away from my tummy. At 6:15, they pulled the baby out and let Paul see - It was a girl! I couldn't believe it! They cut her cord and took her to a separate table for a check. Within minutes she was on my chest and I was trying to hold her, even though my arms were numb. Paul and I were both crying, we had our precious, perfect little girl. They sewed me up and cleaned up and put Eleanor into a cot and wheeled us out. They gave me the chance to breastfeed and she latched perfectly the first time! 

Meeting Eleanor for the first time.

Our first family picture!

The doctors came out to talk to me about the delivery and how everything went. Overall, there were no complications and everything had gone to plan. Apparently Eleanor had slipped back-to-back and was trying to come out with the side/back of her head. The surgeon said it was a good call to take her out via c-section; she was not going to make it out in her position, and the stress of the labor was too much for her to cope with. I was in labor for 27 hours total and had a perfect, amazing, beautiful little girl to show for it. Eleanor Rose was 8 pounds, 14 ounces and 24 inches long. Her full head of hear and bright eyes make her look just like her daddy. 

 

The next few nights in hospital passed in a blur of feeding, checks, visits, and cuddles. I didn't want to put her down I just wanted to hold her close to me like she had been in my tummy. After two nights in hospital I asked to be released early so I could be home with my family. Eleanor passed all her tests and so did I, so they sent me home. Phew! It was all worth it for my perfect little bundle who continues to amaze me every day. 

 

 

 

Coming home for the first time!

A Different Two Week Wait

The beginning of my TTC journey was filled with anxious two-week-waits. I didn't understand how my body worked and how long my cycles were, which occasionally led to three or four-week-waits (when I thought I had ovulated, but never got a period!). Then I started taking my temperature and learned more about my cycle and began medication and then I got to experience that real, terrible two-week-wait. The weeks between when you ovulate and *might* be pregnant, but might not. When it is too early to test but you are full of hope because maybe, just maybe, this time you'd be pregnant. You try not to think about it every day and fill up your time with work and friends and a moderate amount of wine and sushi in case this is your last hurrah. You pay attention to every little sign. Was that nausea a sign of morning sickness? Is that cramping implantation? Is the fatigue caused by pregnancy hormones? Are my breasts tender? Is _________ a sign of early pregnancy? Cue Google which, incredibly, can find that nearly every single sign possible as one that you are pregnant. Most of the time this two-week-wait would just end in tears despite all my "symptom spotting" with another negative pregnancy test (and two more, just to be sure) or my period showing a day or two late. Then the cycle would start again with temping, medication, a two-week-wait, symptom spotting and then heartbreak. Until finally, that one exceptional day, when the test was POSITIVE. 

That is what started out this whole exciting 9-month-baby-growing journey. The first three months were full of anxiety and watching for any signs of a miscarriage. Every twinge and cramp made me anxious and I couldn't wait to get through it. Then the second trimester arrived and time flew by until suddenly it was the third trimester. That flew by too, as I enjoyed feeling bigger kicks and movement and thinking about how much my baby was growing. 

Finally, the day I had waited for - my due date! - arrived. And then it passed. And now I am in a completely different type of two-week-wait. Admittedly, this one is much easier to deal with and much less likely to end in tears and feelings of failure. This two-week-wait WILL end in a baby, my baby, and it might not even be in two weeks! It might be tomorrow! It might be tonight! But I am still trying to fill my time up, trying not to be impatient and paying attention to every little tiny feeling in case it means labor is starting. It's hard not to "symptom-spot" at this point because I know labor is imminent. I'm trying to just relax and remind myself that no one has ever been pregnant forever!

Without work to keep my mind busy, I have tried to have something every day that I can look forward to. Meeting my NCT friends and their newborns for cake and coffee, or going to a movie, or taking a long walk - having something planned lets me be excited for the future while not just counting down the minutes until Wriggles arrives. Still, it's not the easiest few days as it feels like my life is sitting on a knife edge, but at least this wait is definitely worth it.