A Different Two Week Wait

The beginning of my TTC journey was filled with anxious two-week-waits. I didn't understand how my body worked and how long my cycles were, which occasionally led to three or four-week-waits (when I thought I had ovulated, but never got a period!). Then I started taking my temperature and learned more about my cycle and began medication and then I got to experience that real, terrible two-week-wait. The weeks between when you ovulate and *might* be pregnant, but might not. When it is too early to test but you are full of hope because maybe, just maybe, this time you'd be pregnant. You try not to think about it every day and fill up your time with work and friends and a moderate amount of wine and sushi in case this is your last hurrah. You pay attention to every little sign. Was that nausea a sign of morning sickness? Is that cramping implantation? Is the fatigue caused by pregnancy hormones? Are my breasts tender? Is _________ a sign of early pregnancy? Cue Google which, incredibly, can find that nearly every single sign possible as one that you are pregnant. Most of the time this two-week-wait would just end in tears despite all my "symptom spotting" with another negative pregnancy test (and two more, just to be sure) or my period showing a day or two late. Then the cycle would start again with temping, medication, a two-week-wait, symptom spotting and then heartbreak. Until finally, that one exceptional day, when the test was POSITIVE. 

That is what started out this whole exciting 9-month-baby-growing journey. The first three months were full of anxiety and watching for any signs of a miscarriage. Every twinge and cramp made me anxious and I couldn't wait to get through it. Then the second trimester arrived and time flew by until suddenly it was the third trimester. That flew by too, as I enjoyed feeling bigger kicks and movement and thinking about how much my baby was growing. 

Finally, the day I had waited for - my due date! - arrived. And then it passed. And now I am in a completely different type of two-week-wait. Admittedly, this one is much easier to deal with and much less likely to end in tears and feelings of failure. This two-week-wait WILL end in a baby, my baby, and it might not even be in two weeks! It might be tomorrow! It might be tonight! But I am still trying to fill my time up, trying not to be impatient and paying attention to every little tiny feeling in case it means labor is starting. It's hard not to "symptom-spot" at this point because I know labor is imminent. I'm trying to just relax and remind myself that no one has ever been pregnant forever!

Without work to keep my mind busy, I have tried to have something every day that I can look forward to. Meeting my NCT friends and their newborns for cake and coffee, or going to a movie, or taking a long walk - having something planned lets me be excited for the future while not just counting down the minutes until Wriggles arrives. Still, it's not the easiest few days as it feels like my life is sitting on a knife edge, but at least this wait is definitely worth it.

40 Weeks and Waiting!

Well the big day has come and passed - my due date! I know it is really the E.D.D., or "Estimated Date of Delivery" and that babies arrive between 37 weeks and 42 weeks. I have lost count of the amount of times people have said to me, "Babies come in their own time" and "Be patient and enjoy these last few moments of peace and quiet". You can bet your buttons that those same people were cursing to get their baby out when they were overdue!

To be honest, it's not that bad yet. I'm only 2 days past my due date and I know I've got another 12 before they'll induce me. I'm just feeling quite large and uncomfortable and now getting up nearly every hour to pee in the night! Although I am loving my hot tea and long naps and quiet time, each day I get more and more excited to meet little Wriggles. I also thought June would be a great month to have a birthday - right at the end of school but all your friends are still around and the weather is great. In reality, July isn't that bad either. Quite a few people have joked that I'll have an Independence Baby, born on July 4th just to prove it's American up here in Scotland. My hubby thinks the birthday 7-7 would be great, as he would always be able to remember it. I'll take any birthday as I know it will be such a special day to meet our new addition. 

I've tried everything in the books to get labor started - curry, pineapple, nipple stimulation, sex, walking, cuddles, the list goes on. So far nothing has helped, but I know that Wriggles will come when s/he is good and ready. I just wish she'd send me a text message to let me know so I don't react to every little twinge or ache with a quick googling of, "Is ____________ a sign of early labor?" I already KNOW the signs of early labor, I think it's just me and my wishful thinking that will make it appear out of nowhere.

So now I've got 12 more days maximum and I know I should be enjoying every moment of this last bit of me time. Instead, I'm going to go out and cuddle a whole bunch of newborns as apparently, this might bring on labor!

38 Weeks and on Maternity Leave

It's been far too long since an update here, but I have to say it was all I could do to scrape myself off the floor and get into work on time looking semi-decent. The prospect of doing anything useful on the weekends (besides cleaning and organizing my whole house!) was just too much.

Yesterday, however, was my last day of work as I've started Maternity Leave!!! I am so lucky to live in a country that allows me time before the baby to rest and time after the baby to take care of my little person without feeling like I need to rush back to work. I get 3 months full pay, then 30 more weeks of a maternity stipend. So it's Saturday morning and instead of worrying about getting everything done over the weekend I am nothing but relaxed. What should I do today? Drink a cup of tea, watch another movie or have a nap? All of the above?

At 38+4 right now, I have to admit I am still feeling pretty great and overall much better than I expected. Yes, I am large, and yes, I have difficulty getting off the couch. But I have been able to work without any problems (exhaustion is the exception, but what teacher isn't exhausted at the end of the year?). My ankles still look like ankles (not cankles), I have avoided varicose veins, my weight gain has finally slowed, and my emotional state is relatively stable. Except when my sweet students give me gifts or cards or hugs - but that would make anyone tear up! I know it could be another 3ish weeks until I meet Wriggles which I am A-OK with (at least for now). I'm happy to have some rest time ahead of me and for Wriggles to come and meet me when s/he is ready. 

So now begins the waiting, with every day ticking down until I get to meet my sweet little one. With a due date of June 28th, I am definitely considered "full term" at this point and Wriggles could appear any time. I think because I had so much uncertain waiting before when I was trying to get pregnant that I am okay with the waiting I'm doing now. There is a real and concrete date that Wriggles will have to arrive as they don't let you go more than 2 weeks past your due date. That kind of waiting is much better than having no idea if you'll ever have a baby!

Excuse me as I go make myself another cup of tea and contemplate a lovely, calm day.