Well the big day has come and passed - my due date! I know it is really the E.D.D., or "Estimated Date of Delivery" and that babies arrive between 37 weeks and 42 weeks. I have lost count of the amount of times people have said to me, "Babies come in their own time" and "Be patient and enjoy these last few moments of peace and quiet". You can bet your buttons that those same people were cursing to get their baby out when they were overdue!
To be honest, it's not that bad yet. I'm only 2 days past my due date and I know I've got another 12 before they'll induce me. I'm just feeling quite large and uncomfortable and now getting up nearly every hour to pee in the night! Although I am loving my hot tea and long naps and quiet time, each day I get more and more excited to meet little Wriggles. I also thought June would be a great month to have a birthday - right at the end of school but all your friends are still around and the weather is great. In reality, July isn't that bad either. Quite a few people have joked that I'll have an Independence Baby, born on July 4th just to prove it's American up here in Scotland. My hubby thinks the birthday 7-7 would be great, as he would always be able to remember it. I'll take any birthday as I know it will be such a special day to meet our new addition.
I've tried everything in the books to get labor started - curry, pineapple, nipple stimulation, sex, walking, cuddles, the list goes on. So far nothing has helped, but I know that Wriggles will come when s/he is good and ready. I just wish she'd send me a text message to let me know so I don't react to every little twinge or ache with a quick googling of, "Is ____________ a sign of early labor?" I already KNOW the signs of early labor, I think it's just me and my wishful thinking that will make it appear out of nowhere.
So now I've got 12 more days maximum and I know I should be enjoying every moment of this last bit of me time. Instead, I'm going to go out and cuddle a whole bunch of newborns as apparently, this might bring on labor!
At this point of the pregnancy, things seem to be both crawling by agonizingly slowly and rushing by so quickly I can't catch my breath. I can't believe I am already 35 weeks along with only 5 weeks until my due date and a guaranteed 7 until I meet my little ball of Wriggles. I'm still at school working with my students, so some days seem to stretch on and on and on and on. I spend my days on my feet, helping little people learn, picking up pencils off the ground, patrolling independent work, sitting on the floor in reading groups, writing on the board, the list goes on. When you're a primary school teacher you cannot teach from a chair; no one would listen!
And so, with only 4 weeks of work left, I am really counting the days. 18 more work days total, which seems like such a tiny number when you think about it. Even though I am large and uncomfortable, I think I might be bored out of mind if I was already staying home on maternity leave at this point. We are getting enough done on the weekends that I don't feel too harassed. This weekend we put together the baby's chest of drawers and I organized the closet (I know, so exciting!). This coming week is our big delivery of baby things including a cot, baby monitor, baby carrier, etc. Wednesday my work is throwing me a baby shower and Sunday is a 2 hour pregnancy massage. I have to say, I am looking forward to all of it!
I can definitely feel more and more of Wriggle's large movements, especially in my right ribs when I bend over. I was organizing the food cupboard, fridge and freezer this weekend (nesting, anyone?) and every time I bent down to get something I got a sharp kick in the ribs. "Hey mama," Wriggles seemed to say, "Remember I'm here and when you bend over I get squashed! Stand up straight!" As if I could forget about my bundle of joy!
Symptom wise I'm feeling pretty good for being this large. I have occasional heartburn, back ache, my face is breaking out in dry patches and now I definitely have stretch marks. The Braxton-Hicks contractions are more pronounced, and Wriggles enjoys squashing his/her head down on my bladder that makes me clench quickly before any wee escapes! I have to walk slowly otherwise I feel a great deal of pressure on my pelvis and I'm still waking up at least once a night to use the loo. Overall, I just LOVE my big pregnant belly. I love that I am growing a whole person! And as anxious as I am to meet this person, I love my time with them right now. Today is a day off work, and I spent most of it in the garden, reading, working, eating and resting. I loved sharing it with my little one so happy and cozy in my tummy.
I'm sill trying to stay active too - pregnancy yoga and limited gymnastics keep my strength and flexibility up.
Hopefully the next month continues to pass smoothly as I make my final preparations for Wriggle's arrival!
When you're struggling with your own infertility, one of the hardest moments is finding out a friend is pregnant. This is likely to happen over and over again, since your friends are normally a similar age to you. The longer you struggle with infertility, the more of your friends and acquaintances will seem to fall pregnant around you - they will be everywhere. For me, I've had 7 close friends announce their baby news in the last 9 months, and countless more acquaintances.
The second hardest moment is saying, "Congratulations, I'm so happy for you!" without breaking down into tears.
I think one of the reasons this is so difficult to deal with is the fact that very few people share their baby-making plans, their struggles, their disappointments, their frustration, and their sadness. So many women who are trying to fall pregnant wear a mask on the outside, and keep these personal details to themselves. I completely understand - deciding to start a family and then the actual trying is quite personal. It might look like I'm being very open about my struggle through this blog, but keep in mind that I haven't shared the link here to any of my "real life" friends. If you're reading this, chances are we've never met each other. So yes, I'm sharing, but anonymously, because writing helps me work through my emotions.
Because people are so quiet about their struggles, it might seem that everyone becomes pregnant so easily, without trying, without intervention, without pain or loss. This is not always the case - remember 1 in 8 couples face infertility. That's a lot of people out there that it didn't just happen for.
One of my friends just called me this morning to let me know her happy news before I arrived for my visit. I managed to say the "Congratulations!" without crying (go me!), and I really did mean it. I remember years ago speaking with her about having kids, and she wasn't sure she's be able to have them due to her age. On the phone she confided that they had been trying for years, had suffered through a miscarriage, and were about to take the next steps with medical intervention when they got their miracle baby. If she hadn't shared this information, it would have been easy to view her as just another pregnant friend. Instead, she helped take a bit of the sting out of her announcement and I am truly happy she is on her way to motherhood after everything she's gone through. I wish I had known sooner so I could have offered her support.
Remembering that everyone has their own struggles can help ease the pain of finding out yet another friend is pregnant. It's a long, hard road we are walking, and we are not alone.
