There's Never a Good Moment

As I wait anxiously to be able to start Provera to bring on a period and then actually start my first medicated cycle with Clomid, so much has been happening in life. The most exciting event is that I am visiting Switzerland in a few days to see all my old friends, colleagues and students. Just planning for that is mind-boggling, trying to piece each friend into this slot or that. Since I'm not pregnant, I figure I might as well enjoy the all-you-can-drink wine event happening that weekend. There have to be some advantages of not being knocked up, right?

The school I work for (online) is expanding, and I have been offered several travel opportunities in the near future. I might be able to visit North Carolina for a few weeks to help with an opening of a new branch of our school. Then maybe, some time in the future, I could travel to China for a teacher exchange! Both of these options sound amazing (I love to travel!), but a part of me feels like I shouldn't even consider it. These next few months are already so packed - Switzerland; an anniversary getaway; Amsterdam for a long weekend; two weeks in America; August back-to-back full of visitors - how can I even think about adding more on my plate along with the baby-making plans? 

But as a lovely friend of mine pointed out, there is never a good moment to start a family. For me, having a baby is #1 on my list. I want it more than I could even begin to describe. Unfortunately, trying to conceive with PCOS and endometriosis is so uncertain that it could take years - or it could happen tomorrow - or it may never happen. As I explored in a previous post, if you don't keep living your life and planning for the future, this process of trying to become pregnant can destroy you. Alternately, I don't want to miss any chances of falling pregnant just because I was so busy living. Sigh. Is there any right answer?

Unfortunately, I can't just "try" every few weeks in a relaxed and natural way. I need pills to start a period, pills to cause follicle maturation, constant monitoring and blood draws, and injections to force ovulation, then more monitoring and blood draws. With that in mind, trying to get pregnant can easily be equated to staying at home and doing nothing except attending doctor's appointments. It can be hard to continue enjoying life when that might be all your future holds for you.

Or maybe I'm over thinking it and my first Clomid cycle will be successful and BAM, it'll be baby time. 

The uncertainty is killing me. I'm a planner and I can't plan ANYTHING. But I suppose, as long as I remember that it will never be a good time, I can just do the best I can as things come my way. 

What do the next few weeks hold for me? Only time will tell!

Keep Living Your Life

Once you decide it's time to have a baby, it can be a very stressful time in your life. When you are trying to conceive (TTC), you are warned to always behave as if you were, in fact, pregnant already. Some doctors recommend not drinking any alcohol, decreasing physical activity, taking prenatal vitamins, decreasing travel, etc. This is to provide the best chances for your baby, should you indeed fall pregnant. But what about those women that take years to get pregnant? Should they act as if they are pregnant for years? Then your entire life revolves around this one thing, that may not change for a long while. 

I had been hesitant to sign up for anything or plan any trip in the early months of TTC. I kept thinking to myself, maybe I'll be pregnant by then, so I shouldn't waste my money on that! By now, I've become a bit more rational and realized you have to just keep living your life. If you don't, you can end up obsessing and feeling really depressed about actually doing anything with your life while you are waiting. 

As for me, I've just signed up for a half marathon and a half ironman. One of my doctors has recommended I get down to a BMI of 22 (!) so races are a good way to have a goal to reach while decreasing my weight. Apparently, losing body fat can trigger ovulation in women with PCOS. I am one of the lucky ones, a "lean" PCOS with an acceptable BMI. These races aren't only good for decreasing my weight, they are also giving me something to look forward to. I've decided that, worst case scenario, I can just pull out of the race. It will mean I lose some money - but if I'm pregnant, I don't think I'll mind much. I'm also looking into a few local trips to take - things I'd like to do one last time pre-baby. Like a trip to Cinque Terre, Italy, or a weekend visit to Croatia. In fact, I'm taking recommendations for travel in Europe if anyone has any ideas! 

Finishing my first half-ironman!

If you're reading this because it is also taking you longer than you thought to conceive and you are wishing for your rainbow, how do you keep living your life? That glass of wine with dinner (savoring it and wondering if it might be your last), that soak in the hot tub, that exotic beach vacation? Because while TTC can really affect your current life, you shouldn't have to stop living.