Showing posts with label birthday. Show all posts
Showing posts with label birthday. Show all posts

Saturday, May 7, 2016

30 Years old and 32 Weeks Pregnant!

Well, it really crept up on me... I'm actually really and truly 30 years old. Contrary to previous birthdays, this was celebrated very quietly. I worked during the day and my lovely students sang to me, wrote me birthday messages, brought me a cake and even made up a dance for me! My colleagues were lovely all day and then I left school "early". My husband and I went out for dinner at a local pub and then I got myself in bed early. Basically, a normal day but with a little extra cake! I definitely haven't been this sober on my birthday since I was 21.





I've always been anxious about turning 30 and becoming "old", but now with my little Wriggles growing bigger every day I was excited. I knew that I wouldn't meet Wriggles until I was 30, so I was ready for the big birthday!


30 years old and 32 weeks pregnant... And I almost can't see my toes!


So I'm 32 weeks pregnant now and $h*ts getting real! Wriggles is rapidly running out of womb (pardon the pun) which means I can feel nearly everything. I'm loving the little head and bum and elbows and knees and hands and feet. I like to rub them as they protrude out of my belly and talk to my little one, say hello, and think about the day that I get to hold their whole tiny body. Wriggles got in a very awkward position this morning, stretching my uterus sideways and causing quite a bit of discomfort. Luckily, that didn't last long! At my midwife's appointment last week, Wriggles was head down on the right side. I can feel that Wriggles is practicing that position daily - the pressure on my bladder and pelvis is pretty clear as I waddle down the hall! Another new thing in the last week were my first stretch marks... I tried my best to prevent it, but I guess I am just too small to fully house my growing baby! I've got just one strange little circle next to my belly button but I suspect as Wriggles continues to grow, so will my stretch marks. Turning over in bed (not to mention getting out of bed!) is also quite a struggle, and breathing and eating are both more difficult than before. Sometimes I wonder how the next 8 weeks are going to go - how am I going to get even bigger?! Where is baby going to go? Also, I've got 6 more weeks of work... yikes! Some mornings it feels like I'll never make it through, but I always do. I've just got to take it day by day, and remember that each day brings me closer to meeting my baby.
Weekend birthday celebration continues in Haddington!


Tuesday, May 5, 2015

Another Year Older

It's my birthday today, and I promised myself I wouldn't dwell on anything sad. Today was reserved for movies, and margaritas and friends and chocolate. So I'll allow myself just a moment of honesty before returning to my celebratory day. That's not dwelling, is it? Not if you just allow yourself a fleeting second to consider what a new year will bring?

I am not ready to be a year older. I know 29 might not seem old to most people. 

"Still in your twenties! So young! So much time!" everyone replies to me, dismissing my fears and insecurities with incredible speed.

But those of us facing fertility roadblocks don't necessarily have a lot of time. Every month counts. Every month our chances decrease.

This sounds very negative, but all I really mean to say is - I'm just not ready to get any older. I'm not ready for the challenge to get any larger. I thought by 28 I'd be pregnant and 29 be a mother. And now we have absolutely no idea when, or if, that will happen.

How naive we all are when we are younger, planning out our lives as if they were something we could plan. As if we could CHOSE when to have children. I wish I had known better then to plan better now. Sigh. Some things are just in the category of too little, too late. Baby planning, it seems, is one of those.

So I'm not ready to be 29 - one year closer to thirty - because it only means more difficulty. And wasn't this year difficult and heartbreaking enough?

But who knows, maybe this year will be my miracle year. Maybe everything will work out and go right and something amazing will happen. 

Maybe, just maybe, 29 will be the best year yet. And then I won't mind being another year older.